The NY Times Book Review had an interesting essay this weekend about whether literary taste is a deal breaker in relationships. While the idea of Harper and I sitting around discussing novels and sipping coffee sounds nice, I'm okay that it's probably never going to happen. I mostly read fiction and he reads non-fiction and comic books. When we first started dating, I thought it would be fun to have our own mini book club. Oh, how naive. Our first book was A Confederacy of Dunces, my pick, and neither of us liked it. Our second book, his pick, was Summer for the Gods, a history of the Scopes trial. I think I read about 10 pages. And there our book club ended. Oh well, at least we both like to read.What about everyone else? Would someone's reading taste affect how you feel about them? Could you be with a non-reader?
4 comments:
I admit, Russ's bookshelf was #3 on the list of things that I was attracted to when I first met him. I won't tell you what the other two were, all you need to know is that I was 17 at it was the first weekend of college. His bookshelf was populated with: the Anne Rice vampire books, everything by John Irving, and about half of Margaret Atwood's books (at the time, in 1992). It was the Margaret Atwood that was the clincher.
A potential boy feminist, to my 17 year old eastern NC girl self, was something very special indeed. And thanks to Russ, I have discovered what I consider some of my very favorite books: The Cider House Rules, The Robber Bride, and Queen of the Damned, which is is cheesy Anne Rice, yes, but also a totally rockin' quasi-feminist vampire story.
But that doesn't mean that Russ and I ever sat around sipping coffee and discussing novels. Actually my fantasy would be drinking red wine from Italian tumblers and reading 13th century poetry like in the Bob Dylan song "Tangled Up in Blue." But maybe it's a good thing we don't do that - that song is about the end of a marriage after all!
Reading choices are definitely a minor issue in our marriage though. It's my personal struggle and I give him a harder time about it than I would like. I want Russ to be a reader like I am, mostly just so I can get him to read the books that I think are really cool. I get insanely jealous when he reads a book that recommended by someone other than myself! How ridiculous is that?? Especially given that a lot of the time one of these "externally recommended" books will spark an interesting discussion and give me something new and interesting to read.
Mostly I need to recognize that he's a reader, but he's not the same kind of reader I am - he doesn't always have to be in a book, like I do. And he can pick up old favorites and just enjoy the moment of reading, without feeling the need to finish them.
Jeez, I did not realize this comment was going to turn into my own personal self-therapy!! But there it is. I'm glad you posted the essay, Allison.
Brian's not a reader, and it's never bothered me...not sure what that means. He reads an occasional non-fiction book and devours them- he particularly likes books about the entertainment industry, but then it's back to an occasional magazine article. I think reading's always been my thing, and I use it as my way to make "me time". It also creates a nice way for us to spend time together doing different things- I can get a lot of chapters read during a football game on t.v.
The only time it comes an issue is when I get excited about a mention of a book I read as a kid or teen and he's never heard of it. That never fails to surprise me, despite the fact that he's told me many times how he spent his entire high school english experience writing book reports from the back of the novel and cliff notes.
I think that's part of the reason I enjoy book club so much- it's nice to be around other people who get excited about a book or author.
Wow, I'm impressed with 17-year-old Russ' bookshelf. I don't think I knew any guys when I was that age who read that kind of stuff. I still don't think I know any that do.
Sonya, Harper and I have a similar sports watching/reading relationship. I'm almost excited sometimes when there's a game on because I know it means dedicated reading time for me.
I think it's great that you guys can read while your spouse watches sports. I always find myself very distracted by the game and especially by the commercials.
Sonya, your story about Brian writing the book reports based on backs of books was funny. Russ once told me that when he was in school, he used to finish the books weeks before the book report was due, then never write or turn in the report!!
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